So, could you not watch with me one hour?
We’re in the middle of Holy Week. This has always been my favorite week in the church calendar. So much happens in the last week of Jesus’ life – in the final hours even. I could pick any number of moments in those final hours meditating on God’s Word, but I keep coming back to the Garden.
Just a few verses earlier, Peter boldly proclaims that he would die before denying Jesus. Now we see him and just two other disciples being asked to stay with Jesus as he prays … a seemingly easy task. After all, Jesus is the one who is suffering. Jesus is the one who is “sorrowful, even to death.” Jesus is the one who is about to die. But even in this small thing – staying with a friend in need – they fail. When I read Jesus coming back to Peter and saying, “So, could you not watch with me one hour?” I hear Peter’s declaration of standing with Jesus even to death still ringing. And yet, before he even got to the true test of faith, he failed in this small thing. “Stay with me.”
It’s hard to read this and not see my own life playing out with the disciples. I live in a place where I can worship our Lord freely. I have the amazing privilege right now of getting to visit different churches, in many different states, and share about being missionaries for the sake of the Gospel. I can sit here on my bed and write this meditation thinking, “Yes, I will stand with Jesus even unto death.” And I pray that if that ever comes to be tested, with the help of the Holy Spirit, I will remain true to Christ. But unlike Peter, the rest of the disciples, and many of our fellow Christians around the world, I don’t know if that is where God is going to test me. Where I do see myself, almost daily, is in the sleeping disciples.
The disciples were tired – for very real and understandable reasons, I might add. I’m tired. There’s the physical tired that comes with being a mom of three young kids, homeschooling, and being in a period of transition. There’s the emotional tired that comes with being a mom of three young kids, homeschooling, and being in a period of transition. And there’s just the mental tired that comes from being a mom of three young kids, homeschooling, and being in a period of transition. I realize this is repetitive – maybe because I’m tired. It can even sound down, or unhappy, but in truth, it’s just busy. And in its busyness, it is very easy for me to find that I could not stop and watch with my Lord. That in my busy, chaotic life (which I love!), this small task of spending time with Christ can be overlooked. I’m not standing up and denying Christ, but I am placing things, sometimes even sleep, in front of him.
But the burdens I carry are not unknown to Him. He says he will take them on himself and give me rest. The stresses I have about life right now are not surprises to him, but things he prays with me. But I do have to actually stop, watch, and pray. I have to take the time to spend with Christ in His Word and pray. Sometimes that will be an hour. Sometimes it’s five minutes. And sometimes it’s only when we come together in our family prayers. But it’s not a passing thing. It’s a deliberate decision to “stay awake.” He tells the disciples, “Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” My temptation is to put things ahead of Christ and run, run, run. Lord God, give me your Spirit that I may watch and pray with you.